Will Bachman, Sarrah Rose
Will Bachman 00:01
Hello and welcome to Unleashed. Unleashed is produced by Umbrex, you can visit email@example.com. I’m your host will Bachman. And I’m excited to be here today with Sarah Rose, who runs the firm SEO on fire. She calls herself and executive intimacy coach. Sarah, welcome to the show.
Sarrah Rose 00:23
Thanks for having me.
Will Bachman 00:24
So Sarah, what is an executive intimacy coach and tell us a little overview of what you’re from does.
Sarrah Rose 00:31
So see on fire is a place for senior level executives to come in and really optimize their personal lives. So similar to how they’re our executive business coaches that will help you know, different executives with their businesses and different areas, they all have different areas of expertise within the business. We do the similar like it’s it’s coaching, it’s a it’s a lead practice, where there’s goals, and we’re really moving them in the direction of having everything that they want. So that way, their personal life and their business, their professional life, they’re balanced, and they match. So we look at their relationships, if they’re married, or if they’re dating, or we look at their sex lives, and all these parts of us that are really like the juice of being human. We get to play in those realms. So we get to, I think, have more fun than the what goes on business side.
Will Bachman 01:32
What? No, I think you said you work primarily with male senior executives, right? What are what are some of the challenges around the personal lives that might be distinct, or, you know, slightly more common, perhaps, or different for senior executives, as opposed to having a broader focus on what we you know, we serve kind of any man out there, right? So you’re focusing on senior executives, what is it, you know, they have less time for their family, or they’re traveling all the time, or what are some of the things that are particularly unique to your, you know, target audience,
Sarrah Rose 02:09
those are definitely true this as far as not having a whole lot of time and traveling and all the responsibilities that they have, but also takes a very specific personality type to become the CEO. And so we see a lot of often what shows up, there’s ADHD quite a bit, which is a superpower that many executives have, it helps them see the bigger picture, their mind kind of bounces from one area to the, to the to another. And they’re able just to see things from different perspectives and ways that people who have more of like a linear type thinking aren’t able to do, it also gives them the ability to hyper focus on things and so they can really just get in there and get a lot done. A lot of sexual energy comes with the this personality trait as well. In Tantra, which is one of the areas that I’m trained in, we recognize that sexual energy is creative energy. And so the creativity and just that, the passion and the fuel necessary to, for instance, take a an idea and to create it into something massive that a lot of founders do that is often comes from this sexual energy that they have. I we also see that, you know, they have many times the the executives that I work with, they’ve come from middle class, or they didn’t have a lot when they were growing up, and they’re very much self made. And then their lives has changed so rapidly. And so there can be sort of this disconnect and from who they were compared to who they are now and the different in the way that they’re viewed differently in society. So we help them navigate a lot
Will Bachman 04:09
how, what types of issues or our senior male executives dealing with in the area of being fathers, so they’re so you know, that a high powered at work? What are some of the challenges they face that this is not something that you read about in the news that people open up with a lot about, right, so what are some of the challenges that they’re facing as fathers?
Sarrah Rose 04:39
Say with the work that we do, I myself have gone through it all personally and have years of training and experience and everything that I work with executives on I’m running three companies, and I have two children. And what one of the biggest things that comes out Part of the work is presence, and empathy, and just being able to be there in the moment and experience that moment with your child. And that’s really what kids want. We all want love, safety and belonging. And we experience that whenever we feel that the person that is our primary caregiver is giving that to us giving us their undivided presence, and we can feel that we are loved that we are safe, and that we’re connected with them. And so much of the practices that our clients go through help them develop the capacity for this.
Will Bachman 05:42
Talk to me about their role with their significant other, it, I suppose it could be a challenge for some executives at work, they’re getting, you know, kowtow to all day long, and people, you know, treating him with this great amount of respect and deference. And at home, that doesn’t necessarily always work quite as well.
Sarrah Rose 06:06
It depends on the relationship, of course, every relationship is different. And often when we are attracted to potential partners, and then end up moving into marriage or something, the initial attraction that we feel is a combination of nature and nurture. And the nurture part of it is really the mix of the good and the bad that we experienced from mom and dad, or whoever primary caregivers were. And so that it’s there, both the positive and the negative of what they gave to us. And so that attraction is often also tied to wounding. And so when, and this is for everybody, we get through the romantic love period where it’s on rose colored glasses, and then reality kicks in, and you’re like, oh, wait, this person isn’t, you know, just completely amazing all the time. Like, the things that really attracted me to him or her, also wound me deeply. And most people don’t know how to navigate that. And to really use this in a conscious and intentional way to heal and grow together. So part of what we do is help our executives understand this and create more intimacy. In the tough times, all relationships have tough times all relationships have different seasons, when you’re aware of what’s going on, then you can navigate them intelligently.
Will Bachman 07:47
So is the challenge that I kind of alluded to, is that something that a lot of folks face, or maybe not so much that, you know, they kind of used to having people defer to their wishes, and then but in a relationship and a spouse kind of relationship, you that doesn’t fly, and you kind of need to change gears when you get off work and come home and, you know, be in a more relationship with equality, where your people aren’t just, you know, lining up to take your directives.
Sarrah Rose 08:21
I don’t see that my clients necessarily expect that of their partners. And they’re also not put off by a challenge. And so any challenges that their romantic partners bring to them. I think that they’re typically okay with that. But they don’t necessarily, like understand just how to how to one thing I see a lot is a lack of being able to seduce the woman that they’re with and to keep her kind of in this warm state, where you’re kind of like, if you’re looking at your level of turn on where it’s cold, warm or hot. Often, men can go straight to hot and especially if they already have a lot of sexual energy, and they’re just like, you know, driving all day all day, and then they just want to come home and it’s a stress relief with a woman if she has had a different experience throughout her day and she’s not in that state of being turned on and hot and ready to go. It’s causes problems there. But one of the things that I help them understand is okay, we got to keep seducing her at like throughout the day, stay connected to her. It’s not just like, we’re gonna hop into bed. It’s the way you interact with her throughout the days and throughout the weeks that keep her wanting you.
Will Bachman 09:48
And what would what would some of those tips on seduction be that you offer your clients?
Sarrah Rose 09:55
Yes, so much of it is before you ever get into bed so Oh, I love just the ability to be able to stay connected through text during the day. And maybe you send her a flirty text message that says, I had a dream about you last night. And of course, it’s gonna pique her interest, right? Like who, okay, what did you dream about me, and then it can be like some sort of naughty dream and you can have some sort of fantasy roleplay, even going on through text with her throughout the day, says things that are kind of light and fun, but also just keeping that connection alive. And then if you’re able to do that, she can be a lot more likely to want to have sex, if she just hasn’t heard from you all day, or it’s just very abrupt type text messages, very business, like, you know, it’s like leave the business stuff for business, when you’re engaging with your significant other, have fun, be flirty, like, let it be something that’s engaging and juicy. And that, I think, is one of the most difficult things for CEOs because their analytical business mind has to be on us constantly, they don’t have the opportunity to drop the ball rolls, everything could go wrong. And so switching over into that is where I see they struggle the most.
Will Bachman 11:26
Particularly if you’re using your business phone, maybe you want to use signal or some kind of encrypted messaging app, if you’re going to send us from your, from your work iPhone, which could be subpoenaed at any point, as, as a CEO, it would be fun to have with the SEC, or the New York Times this text messages. So all right, what what are some of the tips that you have about friends, about maintaining friends sort of outside of their work? That’s something that CEOs and senior execs talk to you about, about, you know, I got all these work colleagues and stuff, I’m friendly with them, but I feel like I don’t actually have, you know, true friends, you know, sort of college friends, or just people who really get me.
Sarrah Rose 12:16
It varies, some have stayed connected to people from their past and have maintained those long lasting relationships, and then others haven’t. And so it just varies, but absolutely, friendships are incredibly important. Friends bring out different parts of us that we typically don’t show, you know, it’s like, every, every person you’re with brings out a different dynamic of your relationship. And it’s nice to be able to express and just feel like more of a whole person. And a lot of times friendships help facilitate that.
Will Bachman 12:57
When you start working with a client, do you just sort of start with, okay, you know, what do you want to work on? Or do you have a kind of a diagnostic process, we’ll go through a questionnaire, a checklist or a standard set of things to get a baseline.
Sarrah Rose 13:14
So when I’m doing this, it’s, we first have an introductory call, where just kind of get to know each other a little bit. And then I’ll do a diagnostic session with my client. So I don’t do a whole intake form, really keep as little in writing as possible and just, you know, engage directly. And so that will be like an hour session that’ll guide them through, and they’ll get to experience it. And it helps me really get to understand what it is that they’re looking for and what they’re really desiring to accomplish and have. So, so there is there are certain things that I am looking for in the process. But I’m not It’s not like a doctor’s office, we’re having to go fill out a form.
Will Bachman 14:06
Okay. Let’s talk about some of the exercises or actual tips that you share with your clients. So I’m gonna go through a few different areas. So just in the area of the significant other intimacy, sexual energy, those that sort of aspects. What are some of the exercises you mentioned sort of text messages throughout the day? What What other tips do you have for your clients there?
Sarrah Rose 14:31
In the area that we look at is even so for instance, they are wanting to have sex with their partner and what to do even before so maybe you’ve kind of stayed flirty throughout the day and then getting to this next stage of okay, well, we’re going to have sex but opening up communication and communication with a significant other tends to be one of the most difficult things for you anyone to do. And again, this goes back to her relationship with primary caregivers and not being able to most people had the experience of not being able to speak openly about intimate sexual topics with their parents. And so that carries over into the relationship with a spouse. We really work on that a lot. Because open communication is where the intimacy comes from, the more that you can talk about things, the more intimate you will feel, the more connected you will feel. And so having conversations before you have sex, such as what is it that you really want? What are you most afraid of? What do you really love about me? And having this sort of dialogue helps the sex feel so much better? Like it makes just that that simple communication, which is really difficult for a lot of people, help sex be a lot better? And then after sex, recapping the experience, what did you like most? What would you like to try again? What would you like to do different next time? What would you like for me to not do again, and just getting curious about your partner and the experience?
Will Bachman 16:22
What percent of usage would you say of your practice is focused on the sexual aspect of relationships versus, like, the rest of their life is that kind of the core focus, or is that just 10% of what you cover?
Sarrah Rose 16:39
So we are first focusing on their relationship with themselves, every CEO that I work with, that is where we start, is because all of our external relationships are a reflection of the internal relationship we have with ourselves. So we always start there and build a really strong foundation. And then we look at external relationships. And then sexuality is actually the last piece of it. A lot of men have heard from their partner, something along the lines of, well, our sex would be better if our relationship was better. And for a lot of men, and this isn’t true of all men, but for a lot of men pain, their, their bigger pain point is in their sex life, and they want to start there. But unfortunately, by starting trying to start, they’re often missing the real issue, and you never get to a solution.
Will Bachman 17:44
Talking about the first circle the relationship with Himself. unpack that for me a little bit?
Sarrah Rose 17:50
Yes. So what are the triggers that are there? What traumas are stored in the nervous system? What patterns are on repeat self sabotage patterns? You know, why are you kind of in this loop not moving forward in this part of your life. So unraveling those, we do, some of that might sound like psychotherapy, and you know, some of the topics that we cover are aligned, but our approach is much different. So the approach that we take is more of a bottom up approach, meaning we start with the nervous system, we start with the sensations in the body. And we also then we’ll work with the emotions and the thoughts and create this, you know, entire integrated system. Whereas a lot of psychotherapy is more focused on the cortex. And you know, just engaging that part of the brain without getting into the root of, of where, where these these struggles come from, because it all starts in the nervous system. So practices that we do actually release these stress cycles, they moves it out, you can do it through breath, work through sounding practices, through movement practices, by focusing on these parts parts of you. And once that’s cleared out, then you’re able to sort of like elevate yourself, to be to actually live today as the person you are now, rather than as the person you were programmed to be before the age of six.
Will Bachman 19:34
Tell me a bit about some of those strategies that you deal with with the nervous system. So you mentioned breath, say more about moving and I think you said sounding I wasn’t sure about that one. Mm hmm.
Sarrah Rose 19:44
So breath, sound, movement and focus. These are the four components that we tie into all the practices that we do. So it’s very universal. All humans have access to breath, sound movement, and and focus is just the way you put them together creates different experiences. So for instance, with a breath work session that I guide my clients through, they would be doing a specific type of breath, that’s a circular breath, it’s an open mouth, inhale and exhale. And this connected breath, what it does is it begins to shut down to soften the cortex, so you can get into the deeper layers of the brain. And while they’re in that sort of creates this flow state, while they’re in this flow state, then I will guide them to intuitively any sort of movement that wants to, you know, just that their bodies ready to make, sometimes it’s just a gentle wave movement, sometimes it’s a full on stress cycle of needing to punch or kick that is ready to be completed. If so we just allow that experience to happen. Same with the sounding so what type of sound is ready to emerge from the body. And then most of the time, these are like deep guttural type sounds, this isn’t like, you know, some sort of artificial type sound. That’s, you know, driven by by the thinking mind, it’s really just getting more into that, that state of original primal being. And then the focus that we would bring in is whatever they’re desiring to create. So if there’s a certain situation that they want to see happen with their wife, if they want to improve this part of their life, say they want to improve their sex life. So allowing them to bring that experience of what it is that they want to create, into their body, through their imagination, and using their creativity really like going into five senses reality around this. And then looking at, okay, where do I have resistance to this? Where do I feel contraction? Or where am I actually afraid of having what I say I want to have, and we guide them through this whole experience. So that way, wherever there is fear or contraction, the self limiting beliefs, we can begin to work with them and move them so that way, they’re no longer in control.
Will Bachman 22:29
Talk to me about other aspects of getting in touch with yourself and the relationship with yourself. Do you do anything around you know, habits, exercise, diet, what they’re reading at night are kind of books they read, you know, social media, other aspects of their lives,
Sarrah Rose 22:53
we definitely have a lot of recommended reading that we do. So giving them sort of a really good education there. There’s, again, going back to the business analogy, most executives have read quite a few books about business, but when it comes to relationships, and sexuality, most of them haven’t spent as much time there. So we have some really good recommendations. You know, I don’t think most of the CEOs we work with are very active on social media, you know, they might be there, but it’s sort of limited. But sleep is a big one, we definitely prioritize getting there, their sleep, really optimizing that area of their life, that tends to be a big struggle. And I’ve helped a lot of CEOs fix that.
Will Bachman 23:46
Talking about sleep, you know, I’ve seen conflicting write ups on this that, you know, you hear kind of seven, eight hours, but I’ve heard some challenges to that. What that may not be necessary that what’s sort of your take on sleep? What, how do you help your clients figure out what is the optimum sleep for them? And then what are some of the changes that they implement with your with your guidance?
Sarrah Rose 24:16
Well, the question that I ask is, is your lack of sleep or perceived lack of sleep, whatever it might be, if there’s, you know, some optimal amount of hours or not. You’re right. I’ve seen that as well. There’s conflicting views on it. But does it interfering with your life? Like, do you just you need more sleep and we all know when we need more sleep? We need a scientist to tell you that, like I’m tired and I need more sleep. So if it is something that they feel is interfering with their life, then we’ll work on it. There are things like acupressure mats, which are really helpful at Riedel read Using cortisol levels, also weighted blankets can be very helpful. There’s deep sleep can be induced by doing cold plunges. So somebody there their gym, they have the ability to do cold plunge and definitely recommend that. So there’s varying ways there’s some supplements that can be helpful depending on the person. But you know, we’re looking at also the, the temperature of the room sleeping at 65 degrees complete darkness, or at least with a sleep mask. Things like that will really help a lot.
Will Bachman 25:38
Talking about cold plunges, what’s the what’s the recommendation there? And how is that helpful?
Sarrah Rose 25:44
Yeah, so cold plunges, they are great, because they, I don’t know all the science behind it, but they definitely increase deep sleep, which is the most restful part of sleep. So for instance, if somebody’s taking a prescription that is helping them sleep, they might sleep longer, but they might not actually get to that deep sleep period. Whereas a cold plunge can help facilitate that, there’s been studies showing that, you know, people will go from like seven minutes of deep sleep to two hours of deep sleep, which is a huge improvement by doing the daily cold plunge?
Will Bachman 26:27
And do you encourage your clients to use some corner or O ring or Fitbit or something to measure that deep sleep? Yeah,
Sarrah Rose 26:35
a lot of my clients do.
Will Bachman 26:38
I don’t know about cold plunge, but I’ve been doing this a day 31 For me of doing daily cold showers in the morning. And that certainly wakes you up. I don’t I don’t know if it’s helped my sleep. But it certainly wakes you up in the morning. So sleep is an area then that you help them on. And then I mean, is that something that a lot of senior executives struggle with is the demands are so much that they’re, you know, maybe they’re troubled at night, they have trouble falling asleep, or they just they’re flying around so much such as always getting tangled up?
Sarrah Rose 27:13
Yeah, and it’s also part of the personality trait to have the mind that doesn’t shut off. And it just keeps going. And as always thinking and problem solving and creating. So it comes along with personality that that typically has the job.
Will Bachman 27:32
You didn’t mention exactly explicit meditation, we kind of got into some mindfulness practices with, you know, talking about breath and movement and sound and focus. Do you work with clients to implement some kind of meditation practice?
Sarrah Rose 27:48
We do. It’s not, we don’t typically do Transcendental Meditation, which is what a lot of people think of when they think of meditation, which is more of the silent type of meditation. So our meditations typically include some sort of visualization, some sort of breath practice that’s going along with it. So it’s a lot more about bringing in different components into the meditation instead of just the silent trying to empty out the head, get rid of the thoughts. So for a lot of our clients, they find it to be more effective to go about it this way, because it gives their brain something to focus on.
Will Bachman 28:36
Talk to me a bit about the origin story of your of your practice. How did you come to be a, you know, executive intimacy coach,
Sarrah Rose 28:47
I have been doing personal development work and spiritual development work for the last 20 years, personally, and for the last 10 years, I’ve been doing this professionally. I started with my company tantric activation, and then rebranded to CEO on fire. Once I had, I saw that a lot of executives were coming to work with me, and it made sense to just Nishan even more and, you know, to focus on this demographic specifically. Also, previously, I was doing a group coaching program, and a lot of executives preferred private coaching, so I made that shift as well. But it’s it’s been a lifelong journey. I mean, I say lifelong path, my life and 40 Now, to get to this, this place, I mean, in myself, personally, I just feel I feel like I’m at peace. I feel happy with my life. I feel like I’m in my zone of genius. And you know, everything that that I coach, I’ve done myself.
Will Bachman 29:59
Tell us One success story sanitized obviously, you know, one of your clients what? What’s been their transformation?
Sarrah Rose 30:09
So many, which one do I choose? Let’s see, I recently had a client that completed his six months with me. And he’s incredible, incredible human being, he was in a relationship with a malignant narcissist, and two children, and they got divorced. And, you know, he really, he had a lot of insecurities that come along with coming out of that type of relationship, because it’s a very abusive relationship, and especially for someone that’s in a high powered position to, to not really understand, like, how did I end up there, you know, like, I am intelligent, I look, you know, I’m successful, how did I end up in an abusive relationship, like as a man, but so we’ve really worked solidly for six months on healing, that helping him regain his confidence, helping him prepare for his next relationship. So that way, he doesn’t carry long, like all the pains and the wounding and the baggage from the past one. And also, so he will, so he won’t get into another similar situation, again, going forward. Because most of the time, that’s what happens, we just leave one relationship for the same one, just with a different person. And so we really did the work to make sure that he won’t do that.
Will Bachman 31:46
Just on that topic of dating, I’m curious, how do high powered CEOs go about that? They probably don’t want to show up on Tinder, right? Or have some public profile? I don’t know that might just be embarrassing to their company or something. So how do senior executives go about that? In today’s world? You know,
Sarrah Rose 32:11
I live in New York City, and I am on a couple of the dating apps personally. And I see very high profile CEOs on the apps. So they do you get on there, for sure. And also, with my clients, I typically recommend that we work with a matchmaker. And so I will work alongside the matchmaker, really helping them understand like, Okay, this is what my client is wanting. And also, this is the type of woman that he needs to be with in order to ultimately have the most fulfilling relationship. And so kind of being that third party person looking in saying, like, okay, I get, you probably have these attractions to this type of person. And we want to be really mindful that we don’t go about it, what you did before so, so I help the the matchmakers and you know, just guide them. And then if, as I meet women, just out and about doing my thing, or, you know, people always introducing me to women saying, like, look, she would be great for your clients. I’ll make some organic introductions if they seem to be fitting.
Will Bachman 33:30
Alright, so it’d be like, rather than going to meet the parents, it’s gonna take you to meet my intimacy coach, that’d be very high stress, high stress drugs, meeting. You
Sarrah Rose 33:46
but I mean, the guys I work with are the top 1% and 1%. I mean, in all aspects, we would talk financial success, business success, their intelligence, but also just, they’re the ones that are willing to do this level of work. Like that is exactly what women are looking for. And they, they can be picky.
Will Bachman 34:13
So for those picky men out there that are interested in following up with Sarah, Sarah, where should people go online to find out more about your firm?
Sarrah Rose 34:22
CEO on feiyr.com. I’m also on LinkedIn, CEO on fire. My personal Instagram page or just you know, I do some stuff there about New York City is Sarah rose NYC.
Will Bachman 34:39
Amazing. Sarah, thank you so much for joining today. This was a fascinating discussion.
Sarrah Rose 34:45
Great to meet you. Thank you.