Episode: 249 |
Will Bachman:
Simulating Submarine Life:


Will Bachman

Simulating Submarine Life

Show Notes

Over the past couple decades since I left the Navy, people have often asked me what it was like to serve in a submarine.

Well, if you are sheltering in place, here are tips to simulate submarine life at home.

One weekly email with bonus materials and summaries of each new episode:

Will Bachman 00:01
Welcome to Unleashed the show that explores how to thrive as an independent professional. Unleashed is produced by Umbrex, which connects you with the world’s top independent management consultants. I’m your host Will Bachman. Over the past couple decades since I left the Navy, people have often asked me what it was like to serve in a submarine. Do I get claustrophobic is generally the first question. And the second question is usually, how long would you stay out? Well, if you’re sheltering in place, Here are tips to simulate submarine life at home. So try these things. Number one, sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain every two hours after you go to sleep. Have someone whip open the curtain, Shine a flashlight in your eyes, and then mumble. Oh, sorry, wrong rack. Number two. Enjoy fresh milk and vegetables for the first three days of your patrol. And then don’t eat any food that you don’t get out of a can or the freezer. Number three, tape black plastic bags over all your windows to completely block out the sun. Number four, just because once you get underway, shift all your clocks to Greenwich Mean Time. Number five. When you take a shower, ask a crew member in your household to bang on a pot and announce fire in the garage. jump out of the shower soap still on you and get dressed as fast as you can run into their garage and break out the garden hose. And since there really wasn’t a fire after all on everyone is up anyway. Have the kids clean the house. Conduct a debrief on your fire drill and be sure to note some deficiencies. Number six. Repeat back everything anyone says to repeat back everything anyone says to AI number seven. sit in front of your TV set with the antenna disconnected and watch for six hours. Report any unusual static patterns. Number eight, put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water instead of the high. Number nine. When you wash clothes, jam your washing machine completely full, so there’s not room for one more sock and then use three times the recommended amount of soap. Number 10. Announce commence snorkeling. Set up your lawnmower in your living room and run for at least an hour. Periodically hold your nose and mouth shut and try to blow your eardrums. Actually, don’t do this thing with a lawnmower because you could die from carbon monoxide poisoning. But as a thought experiment, it does give you an idea of what it’s like to run the diesel. Number 11. Have the youngest member of your crew give you a haircut. Number 12. Get a clipboard, paper and a leaky black ink pen and then take hourly readings on your electric and gas meters. Number 13. Sleep with your dirty laundry at your feet. Number 14. Get some broken exercise equipment and mounted to the floor in your kitchen. Number 15. store up all your garbage for a week in your bathtub. compact and dispose of it once a week. Number 16 wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on still bread. Optional. You could break out a number 10 can have ravioli or have cold soup. Number 17. Make have your family make a menu week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator. Number 18. Once a month, take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together just in case they were about to break. Number 19. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for five or six hours before drinking 20 store your eggs in the garage for two months before cooking them. 21 have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books 22 check your refrigerator compressor for sound shorts 23 put a complicated lock on your basement door and where the key on a lanyard around your neck 24 lock wire that lug nuts on your car 25 when making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. And then spread icing really thick on one side the level off the top 26 every so often. Yo emergency deep or torpedo in the water run into the kitchen sweep all pots, pans dishes off the counter and onto the floor. Number 27. Put on the headphones from your stereo. Don’t plug them in. Go and stand in front of your stove. Say to nobody in particular stove Mandan ready, stand there for three or four hours. Say once again to nobody in particular stove secured, roll up the headphone cord and put them away 28 if you have two parents in the household and are taking care of one or more children designate one parent to stand watch as caregiver for six hours at a time. When the six hours are over, conduct a formal waterleaf you’ll first review the logs that your partner has maintained. Then you say, I’m ready to relieve you. Your partner says I’m ready to be relieved. Your partner gives you a rundown the last six hours then you say I relieve you, your partner says I stand relieved. Since one of you is always on watch, you can never both sleep at the same time. Number 29. blindfold the kids and make them learn the location and operation of every light switch outlet circuit breaker valve appliance and fire extinguisher in your house. Number 30. Buy all food and cases in line the floor with them. Number 31. spend three or four hours waxing your floors to perfection. Then just before they dry, have the kids walk around in the garage or the basement, whichever is dirtier. And then walk over the kitchen floor. Number 30 to stand on your roof for six hours and report any visual contacts to the control room. Number 33. Announce there’s a toilet paper shortage on board. So everyone gets only two sheets for each visit. Number 34. Install a furnace and air conditioner that blows directly on you while you’re sleeping. Have the controls they’ll cycle to hot and cold every few minutes. Number 35. Install a multi channel entertainment system over your bed. That doesn’t work. Number 36. On Saturday night, tell your kids that they are delinquent in calls or Dink and have them study the wiring diagram for your house. Number 37. On Movie Night, take a vote of what movie everyone wants to see. And then play a movie that no one voted for. Number 38. Wake up everyone in your crew for training at 7am. Read for one hour from the instruction manual of an appliance. Designate a training monitor monitor to evaluate the effectiveness of this training. Number 39. If you want to send any emails, print them out, carry them around on a clipboard, and give everyone in the household a chance to provide edits, and then sign off on them. You can send and receive emails once every 12 hours. Number 40. Limit your news of the outside world to the equivalent of 10 tweets per day. Print out 10 random tweets from the Associated Press and tape them to your hallway. So the whole household can read. Be sure to format them format them in all caps 41 but a map of your neighborhood on the kitchen table and plot the position of your house every 10 minutes over the course of six hours. Once you’ve completed all these steps, Congratulations, you’ve earned an honorary qualification in submarines. Few of these tips have been my additions. Most of the above is from a list that’s been passed around by submariners for years, and the original author is lost to history. It was probably composed by watch section on some medwatch while on patrol. If you know who came up with these originally, please do let me know at unleashed@umbrex.com and I’ll be sure to give that person credit. I hope this episode was helpful. If you’ve been thinking about giving the show a five star review on iTunes. Now is a great time. Your review helps others discover the show. I’d love to hear from you with any questions you have about independent consulting. You can email me at unleashed@umbrex.com Thanks for listening

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